Kym,

What  if Solomon's talk was reversed?   What about children who deal with the confusion and pain from not knowing or recognizing the difference between their feelings or lack pf feeling regarding unconditional love and unconditional acceptance of their parents?

We could turn his presentation around and hear it as adult children coming to grips with the fact that one or both parents live in an unchangeable identity very different from that of their children.

I think that may be what you are getting at as you explore what's going on now between you and your mom.  Close?