Raw means exposed and suffering from exposure. If my hands are exposed too long during cold weather, my skin will get "raw." If you are feeling raw then you are seeing and feeling what's been under your protective covering. The protective covering is the eating disorder. As you learn new and better ways to protect yourself you can heal that rawness and live more wisely in the present. The young you doesn't know about being wise. That part of you gets frantic. What you are experiencing is inevitable in recovery. It doesn't last forever. Keep on with your recovery practices. Triggers happen in this forum. Triggers are not bad. They abound in life. The goal is to be wise and balanced in dealing with triggers and not bombard yourself with more than you can bear. If you are feeling your feelings, you are bearing them, even if the feelings are painful. And you are growing stronger and more healthy every second you can bear what you feel, think and write at the same time.