PTC, perhaps we could support each other, as I am struggling with the same thoughts right now. I am freaking out because I too, got on the scales today and had gained 1.5 lbs since friday. I blame it on thanksgiving food, yet I didn't really eat that much. I think I eat so little that when I increase my calories even a little I gain weight. I feel that I go 1 step foward and 10 steps back. I am reading Joanna's book, but I feel like I just can't do this. I know exactly how you are feeling. I also appreciate this chapter excerpt, but I don't want to read ahead, so this is all I am reading for now...sounds like it would be helpful, but today all I can think about is not eating. I know we are not alone, that there are many people who are struggling like us. I am encouraged by stories of recovery and sometimes I read such stories when I am feeling so badly. I am very encouraged by Joanna's story and how she has stayed in recovery for so long. I have to believe that one day things will be better for us too. So I pray for you to get through this rough time. Joanna has pointed out to me, and reminded me that I have two beautiful girls to live for. What are you living for? It is helpful for me to have them as a motivator. Have a healthy week :)