My ED is very ingrained, I've been on diets from the age of about 7 (my mother used to force them upon me at that age), and when she wasn't forcing me to diet, she was plying me with "treats", I don't have any recollection of ever having a "normal" relationship with food...I'm either dieting or bingeing...have been my whole life (I'm now in my late 30's). Over time it evolved to the point that my diet times were v pusnishing and restrictive and conversely my binge times involved enormous amounts of food and constant grazing between. Reading Joanna's work was what made me realise that I had an ED - that was 10 or more years ago, but I didn't have the courage to do anything about it, it took the birth of my first daughter to make me try to take responsibilty for myself and seek help. It's been a long road just to get the right referrals and see the right people...I've been passed around for the last 7 years, but I am noe finally seeing a therapist within an eating disorders setting, who has helped me so much. It's not easy, but I'm grateful now to feel my true emotions and to start to know my true self. Therapy is such a rocky road, it's forced me to address relationships that I never thought I had the courage to deal with...but it's so empowering too! As Kym says...it's so worthwhile, and my life now is 100x better when I just lived for my ED.