Life was "normal" as far as eating was concerned - I was always healthy and ate well- never had any thoughts around food at all -
When I started secondary school i felt very out of place and out of my depth... i came from a small primary school to this large secondary school and the out of place started to show when i didn't feel "normal" i just couldn't fit in-
I was very shy to a point of being unable to speak i class etc -
during this first year my stepmother passed away and I felt "indifferent" about that indifferent because everyone else was upset and I had mixed feelings as she stole my dad's attention away from me and that was really hard for me to accept!
I really have no idea how my ED started only that i read somewhere that by pushing a toothbrush down my throat I could make myself vomit ?!
This must have given me a "high" on some level as I suddenly felt better about my life - i started restricting my eating and was mesmorized with my new environment how people could eat so many things and be skinny.
I remember buying my first size 12 jeans and feeling sooooooo good- I wasn't really fat so people told me just "Well built" for my size and height - the rest is history I got down to size 6 and ended up in hospital!
It took a long time before I was in any state to acknowledge I had an ED - I was just completely in "survival" mode - coping day to day with this way of living...
It's always been there and have always been "Healing it" now am doing it step by step in my own time with full awareness....and sometimes its hard without the support i would really love to have .........
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