liberating!

Joanna, I'm really glad to hear that your arm feels to be improving a little!

Now that I've had the opportunity to get over the shock that my mother has sold her house and is moving, I feel really good about it. We have communicated more in the last few days than we have for a very long time, and they are positive communications with much love and caring passing between the two of us.

I think on my part I am finding it easier to engage with her, as I am no longer scared that she is going to keep trying to push me for things that I can't give her, that would pull me back into the old relationship we had, and then having to deal with the hurt and anger directed at me for not being willing to do that, and how hard and how guilt inducing that is. I don't have to maintain that constant vigilance, that double checking my responses and the way I phrase things as not to give her anything that she can misconstrue and turn into a false hope, that ends up causing us both more heartache. And it feels so good to be free of all that - liberating!

I think a similar thing is happening on her part too, I feel that she is no longer fearing the sense of rejection she clearly feels when I won't agree to revert back to how things used to be.

It feels like I am no longer battling to move forwards on my own, we are moving forwards together, and I can see a future for us now. I can picture myself going to visit her for a few hours maybe once a month, and her being content with that because of the distance and travelling involved, and not pushing me for more. This was how it was supposed to be when I moved here 16 years ago to break away and start to live my life for myself, except within a couple of years she'd sold her home and followed me here, and I very quickly got sucked back in to an unhealthy relationship with her.

I feel like such a great weight has been lifted from me, and that there really is something positive for both of us going forwards!