Laura, Thanks for talking about the two little girls and needing to allow each to heal. I just realized on Monday night that there is the four year old that is still recovering from the trauma of having a mom that was severely mentally ill (suicidal) and the eleven year old that became her emotional dumping ground. All her toxic emotions she dumped on me. I didn't have the maturity to handle her unmet emotional needs, but I sure tried with all the fervor of an eleven year old girl. I try so hard not to blame her, and to know that she was sick just as I am sick. All I ever wanted was a momma that was normal and wasn't sick. I spent my whole life searching for a surrogate mom to love me how I thought a mom should love her daughter. I've spent most of my life in crazy relationships that revolve around the insanity of I hate you; Don't leave me. I've lived knowing I was angry even raging and not knowing the root of the rage. I've built wall that are bigger than the Great Wall of China to protect myself from the world. I've pretended to be tough and rough to just protect myself. It's working about as well as living in a fiberglass jumpsuit. I am insulated from the world but extremely itchy and uncomfortable in my skin.