just saw this

Well. Things do become emergent if you don't self care. I recently hit an all time low with my depression. Everyone and everything has been put ahead of myself and my kids for so long that I reached a breaking point. I wasn't sleeping more than 2 hours a night. I was exhausted and frustrated with myself and found myself becoming very short with my kids. I found myself laying around whenever I wasnt doing for others. 

I developed an agitated depression - hypomanic, but exhausted at the same time. Pacing on the inside while feeling paralyzed on the outside. Totally not sticking to a healthy meal plan. Not managing my health issues. 

It all culminated in a brief moment of selfishness that could have had permanent consequences.  Thank God it didn't and I'm grasping at gratefulness to be here for my kids. 

I'm learning to set limits. Im learning that I cant be all things to all people. That my kids and my health (my life) are important and must come first. I struggle because I feel so needed and relied on by family- especially with my knowledge of mothers illness. She's not doing well at all. 

But my siblings are doing research and learning more about what is happening with her illness. My dad and I had a frank talk about how I feel stressed being the one with professional knowledge.

so I take it one day at a time. I'm spending quality time with my kids. Trying to sleep better. had that weekend beach trip I needed. Taking in some good Meditative thoughts. Practicing mindfulness. Utilizing people who are here for me instead of feeling bad asking for help.  

:)