Joanna, I'd love to see you more out in the public reaching more people! Portland OR is a wonderful to visit :) I've been thinking about the concept of Reality and maybe it IS beyond the capacity of the human to grasp but thinking about it brings many questions to my mind. I know I have benefited from seeing the reality of the danger my ED had put me in and I'm grateful for that. But currently I feel like I'm trying to change my reality. I'm working hard to stay out of my "misery mind" by staying positive; I'm telling myself over and over that it's OK and it's possible to be happy. It's almost like I can feel my brain re-wiring and it's getting easier and easier to believe the message I'm telling myself. But on the other hand, I'm not progressing as fast with being OK with my new weight. I keep telling myself that I'm OK it because I feel healthier, but when I think about "reality" the voice in my head says "who do you think you are kidding, you hate this weight gain!!" So should I stay out of reality and keep "faking it?" Maybe reality isn't always a good place to be; or maybe I'm only letting the negative reality side of my weight gain speak. Maybe I'm trying to grasp at something that's not graspable (new word!). Maybe my reality is that I will never like my heavier weight but the "Reality" is that I don't have any other option if I want to be healthy. Will my reality towards my weight always be this "negative" or do you think true acceptance comes with more recovery? I want to believe that someday I will love and embrace my healthy body and truely be happy with it just as it is. Reality?