Joanna I think quite often that women don't know what respect looks like in a sexual sense, until they are shown it, but prior to that they would never really conceive what that looks like for themselves, well enough to actually be able to seek it, and their partners may not see that they are perpetuating the abuse, because the woman thinks, that that is what she wants, and the partner wants to please the woman. I have 2 examples of this: A friend told me how an ex girlfriend of his liked him to perform certain sexual acts on her that he felt must be excruciatingly painful, and which always felt uncomfortable about performing, but if he showed reluctance she would get quite unhappy and angry with him, and he felt that as these acts obviously brought about greater pleasure and satisfaction for her than anything more conventional could, that he felt it would be churlish to refuse. I did ask him if he thought that she may respect him more if he actually refused, but he said not, he thought it would be the end of their relationship. And the reason I asked him if he thought she might respect him more, is because I saw a guy who when I asked him to perform violent and humiliating acts upon me, he said "if it is REALLY what you would like, as long as you know that I will not get anything out of it for myself, it's not my kinda thing" ...and as things progressed, he couldn't do it, he didn't have it in him to hit me hard enough to bring about any satisfaction, and he eventually said "look, I'm sorry, I can't do it, I don't hit women, and I certainly don't want to do anything like that to someone I care about, it feels too wrong"...and I was frustrated, deflated, it was a total anti-climax...I didn't appreciate his caring at the time. But afterwards, when I had time to reflect, upon that, and also the way he was with me in general, so tender, so respectful - it was completely alien to me at that point ...but I now hold him in the highest regard for that - whilst at the time is wasn't the great sex I wanted, afterwards it was the best sexual experience I've ever had. But without that experience, I would probably agreed with my friend, that if that was what his ex enjoyed, then there was no harm in it