It is hard after growing up with a dieti

It is hard after growing up with a dieting mom and being praised for all of my life for being thin and seeing so many media messages that reinforce thin as good to try to believe that at 50 being thin is not OK. I understand now that "too thin" is dangerous but I'm still fighting my strong belief that as long as I'm medically stable I don't need to gain more. I don't know what I weigh but this week I feel myself reacting to how my clothes feel and it scares me a little. I don't want to lose but I also don't want to gain :(