I started with my therapist when I was 25 or 26. I am 42 now. I started seeing her for depression and trauma. She diagnosed me also with bulimia. I had stopped seeing her several years ago because I felt I was doing better (the bulimia had been in remission for several years) and I couldnt do the trauma work, so I felt I did as much as i could for then. I was doing ok for those next couple of years...i actually adopted my two children, and the newness of motherhood times two kept me so busy and happy that I was truly in a pretty good place. I started back a few months ago because my depression was so bad again I could hardly get out of bed. My youngest child has recently been diagnosed with autism and i was in a relationship that ended badly and actually re-tramatized me. I had been inching toward relapse for several months, but this time I just started restricting like crazy. My therapist is working with me on the eating stuff, but I only see her two to three times a month. It's not enough right now, but it's the best I can do. It sounds like your mind is playing with you too. You tell me to eat, but you aren't eating lol..we are a sad pair, eh? I dont own scales anymore but i am around scales daily as i work in a hospital, so who am i kidding? I hope you figure out how to stop stressing. I am glad you get to see your therapist tomorrow. Perhaps they can help you get your focus going in a better direction for the week. It must be hard to have to keep your weight up for your therapist, when all you want to do is lose weight. My brain plays such bad tricks on me. I am sure yours does too. it's crazy.