I just finished Portia's book. I was wo

I just finished Portia's book. I was worried about it triggering me, but I did OK. Her extreme anorexia behaviors mirrored my behaviors in the early 90's, but like her, my recovery at that time made me realize it wasn't worth fighting my body and consuming my life. Although I've relapsed into restricting again, it's nothing like it was the first time. I was very interested in Portia's story because “coming out” was a pivotal part of my recovery in the 90's. She knew she was gay, but feared telling people; I didn't have any idea why I was working so hard to remove my female curves. Discovering my true sexuality gave me the explanation for my feeling so different and it empowered me to continue my search of who I was. The part of Portia's book that touched me was the Epilogue. Her description of the recovery process brought me to tears because I'm currently experiencing a lot of the struggles she experienced. I was especially struck by her struggle with no longer being “a sick person;” people don't seem to be concerned now that I've gained weight. She was able to use her new sense of her sexuality to move beyond that; which is what I did in the 90's, but I haven't found my archor to hold on to this time. Reading her explain this has me admitting that I restrict 3-4 days before I'm due to be weighed; I don't get told the number, but I can tell from my dietitian's face if I've lost or not. For some reason when my family and friend ask how I'm doing, I tell them I'm doing good, but there's a part of me that wants my treatment team to be concerned. I have sabotaged my support system. Wow, I have some work to do and my first step is to tell my counselor Tuesday. Portia's description of what her life is like now, gives me the desire to be honest and to keep working my recovery. Kym