I hit my rock bottom, I surrendered and

I hit my rock bottom, I surrendered and opened up with what I thought were all my secrets but I think my eating disorder behaviors were so "normal" to me that it wasn't until I got some recovery under my belt that I became able to see them for what they were. I did however hold onto one secret which I revealed just 3 months ago.....I truely believe I held onto the secret and the behavior as a way to hold onto the ED. I'm still not sure why I felt the need to do that: holding onto the ED identity? Fear of losing all the help I was getting? Fear of what life would be like without ED? Could be some or all of those. Once I told my last secret I felt very vulnerable but "lighter." Also, once I spoke of the behavior, it was much easier to give it up. As far as limiting boundaries, I have recently started working on some compulsive limits I have on myself. Some of them seem very strange when I think about them and I do have to admit I haven't talked to my therapist about them because they aren't risky and.....OK, I'll admit it, embarrassing. But as you mentioned, releasing them could free me up for more productive/creative things. Guess I have another "project." :)