I am sorry to hear of your bad experience with the mental health care system. Most private hospitals don't allow restraints, or forced meds unless you are involuntary and the benefits outweigh the risks. Sounds like you may have been in a state institution? Have you ever been to an Eating Disorders hospital...do you live in the US? There are several that take medicaid and or medicare. I can give you a list if you live in the US. If you are uninsured you can google the government section of the city or town you live in and look under mental health to locate the Community Services Board (CSB) for that locale and obtain case management, therapy and psychiatric care to include medication. They will do a financial screening and you only pay what you can afford. They tend to try and use medications on the 4 dollar formulary (meds that are only 4 dollars for a months supply). So there is help out there. Sounds like you are burnt out. Hopefully you can do better and avoid needing another hospitalization. keep coming here. We are a good bunch of people. Joanna is very supportive and knows how badly our eating disordered minds think. I had to eat and get more nourishment before I was really able to start processing this book and this site. But even on my angry and hopeless days, I get tons of support. And we all will have good and bad days. Good luck! Tracy