I think my biggest dread of the past was that I'd be alone. I was sure that if people knew the real me that they would go running in the other direction. I would avoid social events because I feared accidently exposing my true self and losing the few friends I had.
I think I got to the point in my life that I hated living with the dread and fantasy fears and I had to trust that friends actually love me for who I am, not for who I was trying to be. It became a choice for me....life with my ED and fears as my companion, or taking the scary steps that had some hope of a real life at the end.
I took those steps starting with recovery friends and I've moved to friends from various areas of my life. I still have fears going to new places and being with news people...just part of my personality, but it's no longer a paralyzing dread. Took a lot of trust, but my life is so much fuller and I'm very grateful to my former self who used all the bravery she had to start making small steps!
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