for me, clicking the link above gives me an "error" report. Nonetheless, I simply typed "gurze" into the address page and was able to read your blog post on dread.
As I read this, and as I continue to explore what dread means to me, I am beginning to sense that there is a connection between depression and dread. Perhaps one causes the other, perhaps they are intertwined...So in trying to figure this out I think about how I feel physically when I feel dread. When I physically feel dread I feel it in my stomach, my chest. I also feel tired and scared. Depression makes me feel sick in my stomach and my chest. It also makes me feel tired and scared. They both make me want to crawl in bed and sleep forever.
Right now I am dealing with a lot of stress. But I ask myself, does my depression and dread magnify what may otherwise be just "average" stress?? I wake up with a feeling of dread. It has become an automatic part of my day. Sometimes, honestly, if I am not feeling dread or depression I get frantic. It's like these two things protect me. What does that mean?? I think perhaps I have felt so bad for so long, that I am afraid to feel any other way. Happiness never lasts, I guess. I mean, it shouldn't be that way, but I can never count on feeling good for too long.
I have stepped up my therapy sessions to once a week. I am working really hard on digging through my past and how it is affecting my present. It's really hard. But I think I am doing the best I can. I want to stop letting dread dictate my life. I want to be happy and not be scared to be happy. I wonder if anyone else can relate to these feelings?
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