Wow, so I avoided ths hole conversation when it happened because I was dealing with my sex abuse with my therapist and i wasn't sure I could handle anymore. But I'm finding this very interesting because during this time I got the courage to share the details of my abuse with my therapist (took over 2 years, but it happened) which was the first time I ever told anyone. I absolutely loved her response. She put her clipboard down will i shared. At first I thought she was showing me how much attention she was giving me but then I realized she didn't need to take notes because it wasn't what I was saying as much as it was the fact that I was saying it. It made it about me and not what the abuser did.
Since that day i have found it easier to talk about sex with her, although I keep asking her if it's OK (not sure why, but it makes me feel less like I'm burdening her). Tuesday we were talking about sex and my PTSD and something came out of my mouth that I swore I'd never tell a soul!!! I so badly wanted to take it back, but she took it and compassionately showed me that it's unprocessed shame that is giving this thing so much power and creating so much fear in me.
So how I'm stuck between fear that other things might just fall out of my mouth and feeling relieved that I told someone (even if by accident). I'm also stuck between believing her that this thing is normal for survivors (I'm not a pervert!!!) and feeling like I can't face her because she now knows. My wise mind is sure that's my shame talking, but the other parts of me are really scared of my next visit. This is part of the reason I'm trying to figure out this shame thing; I just didn't recognize it before and I'm still not sure what it looks like.
Anyway, I'm glad this conversationn stuck around for when I was ready to read it.
Thanks everyone for sharing so much!!!
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