Even writing anonymously on a blog is al
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Even writing anonymously on a blog is almost too difficult to do. Once, early in our work my therapist asked, "What do you do with your sexual feelings." My answer was that I hadn't had any lately. My husband had just died and it had been a couple of years since he had been well enough for sex. Since then we have not talked about sex or my sexual feelings in the present tense-- only about past experiences. I would like to, but I know I have to deal with my past and sexual abuse from childhood. Trusting my therapist is the key here and I do, but apparently not enough. My reactions to the subject have been to close down in various ways. The fear and terror that overtake me have gone from unbearably intense to tolerable. However, I still cannot get to the point of allowing myself to go there in a session. Honestly, I think my biggest fear is of being alone with the emotions that might come up. The session is only an hour, after all. I have to go home at some point and deal with it by myself. We did schedule an extra long session once, but unfortunately that didn't help me get started. I thought it was a good suggestion, though, and might work for some people. Also, knowing that he is reachable after the session is helpful. Maybe someday I will be able to open up.