Dear Tracy and Shh, I've got to leave

Dear Tracy and Shh, I've got to leave for a seminar that's taking up my entire week-end so I have to be quick on this moving and sensitive thread. The key here, I think, is that trust has to be earned. Children give their trust freely and don't understand how to take care of themselves when their trust is betrayed. They may not even recognize betrayal and think that the breach in integrity is normal or that they deserve such treatment or both. Later, the adult who was the betrayed child still carries some of that bewildered naivetee. Her defense against repetition is to withdraw, or rage, our act out while keeping a section of her mind and feelings numbed out. In my opinion, a way to work through this in order to allow more full relationships with human beings - and yes, some are untrustworthy - is to know that you don't have to trust anyone until you decide they are trustworthy. Your trust in them has to be earned. And that goes for yourself too. You have to earn your own trust so you can rely on yourself. Whatever it is that you want and need, you have to step up to the plate and make the effort to find a way to give it to yourself so you know you can rely on you. This is why self care is so important. Why providing for your basic needs is so important. Why caring for the people, the children, the pets, the garden, the work you care about is so important. You keep earning more layers of trust in yourself. And that helps you to recognize what is and is not trustworthy in the world.