Dear Kym, Just about every sentence you wrote could be the lead sentence for an essay! In fact, you could do just that: use each sentence as a prompt for a journal entry, and see what comes up. The seeming paradox in the reality discussion is that the only way to make a change in your reality is to totally accept where you are in the here and now and make your decisions and take action based on where you are - like it or not. Look at the wonderful conundrum in your question, "So should I stay out of reality and keep "faking it?" We can't stay out of reality. We can only be oblivious to it. If we know we are "faking" then we know we are avoiding reality or attempting to avoid it through pretense. If we do that we are pretending to be someone else or look like someone else or behave like someone else. Who's the someone else? Who's getting neglected or hidden? Plus, and this is frustrating or frightening or both to many people, just because we pretend or fake doesn't mean that others do not recognize the performance. They may not see what's behind the performance. They may even enjoy the performance. But they also may very well know that they are not seeing the genuine person. I would love to see you write more about all the many insightful writing prompts you give in this comment, Kym. warm regards, Joanna P. S. Yes, I am starting to move out into the public more now. I'm doing it sporadically as opportunities present themselves while I figure out an organized way to be more public. And you better believe I think about Portland. I do have an MFT license in Oregon. It's always been in the back of my mind to do something there. Oregon and Ireland keep nudging me. :)