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Eating Disorder Recovery
Joanna Poppink, MFT
Eating Disorder Recovery Psychotherapist
serving Arizona, California, Florida, Oregon and Utah.
All appointments are virtual.


I searched for this thread because I'm sat here on the verge of tears over a dining table.

My life is now so very separate from my ex's, there are a couple of things that will take time to settle - namely our youngest daughter who is struggling with the transition, and my career plans/finances, but I am otherwise pretty happy.

I have secured the family home and the means of affording to keep it now, so I'm feeling more settled and I'm in the process of decorating downstairs, freshening the place up, and replacing some of the old furniture. My budget is pretty limited, but it's amazing how much can be achieved if you put your mind to it. I have, however, reached a sticking point with one particular piece of furniture - my big,old dining table.

Even if I kept it, I would need to sand it and fix the wax finish and buy new chairs - and even then it would still just look like a big old table. The cost of the chairs I've seen is more than the cost of a new table and chairs that I really like that match the new décor - it should be a no brainer, but it isn't -  the prospect of parting with it reduces me to tears, whilst the prospect of keeping makes me feel like I'm wasting money on a look that I'm not even that keen on, it all feels quite ridiculous, so I'm trying to fathom out why I'm so attached to it, what it means.

This table is big and chunky, it is solid and sturdy, made of scandinavian oak - any replacement, however aesthetically pleasing, will not match the quality of this table, although I'm sure will be sturdy enough for our needs. This table has always been at the heart of the family - it has seen homework, arts and crafts projects, birthday parties, Christmases, meals with family and friends etc. It was also the place where we ate together, the 4 of us, every day, no phones, tv, toys, gadgets, just the 4 of us, our meal, and conversation about our day. It was our quality time together each day as a family.

I guess it's reliable and virtually indestructible, just like I believed our family unit was. I worry - what if I get rid of it and then want it back, what if a new table just isn't the same, doesn't have the same feeling?

If a new table is a representation of our new family unit - what if it turns out to be flimsy and poor quality - does that mean as just the 3 of us we are not that strong family unity anymore? Does it mean our relationships are superficial and lack stability and durability? Is that what I'm scared of? Am I scared that I'm not enough on my own and that I can't hold our new family unit together?

I need to have a think about this.





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