While a good friendship can be incredibly fulfilling, it is not immune to challenges. Various factors can put a strain on even the strongest friendship. Here are some common challenges that can arise in a good friendship.
If your friendship is valuable, you can be alert to potential difficulties and address them as soon as possible.
Miscommunication:
Communication issues can lead to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and conflicts. Different communication styles, assumptions, or
a lack of clarity can create tension between friends. You may not laugh or cry at the same point in a movie or reading a book.
The aesthetic sense and emotional reverberations are not the same for everyone. If you are curious and open about your friend’s opinions and responses you can deepen your bond rather than have these differences create distance between you.
Change and Growth:
Individuals' needs, interests, and priorities may shift as they grow and evolve. If friends cannot navigate these changes together, this can sometimes create distance or divergence.
A classic example is when two friends share the same addiction or disorder. This is a bond between them. If and when one begins recovery or moves faster on the recovery path, a rift can occur between the pair.
Life Transitions:
Significant life changes, such as marrying, becoming a parent, pursuing a degree, moving to a new city, starting a new job, or entering into a new relationship, can impact the dynamics of a friendship. Time constraints and different life circumstances may make it challenging to maintain the same level of closeness. Friends may lose their ability to be empathetic with one another as their lives change.
Conflicting Obligations:
Friendships can be affected when competing obligations arise, such as work commitments, family responsibilities, or other personal engagements. Balancing these different priorities can sometimes strain the time and energy available for the friendship. Sometimes, this happens because of a lag in the maturation of one.
That person doesn’t appreciate the other’s rationing of their time and energy so they can be alert or reliable for their other commitments. It’s possible for this situation to pass as the offended party matures and appreciates the need to be responsible. But there’s no guarantee that understanding will occur.
Jealousy and Envy:
Feelings of jealousy or envy can emerge when one friend succeeds or experiences positive changes, while the other may feel left behind or inadequate. These emotions can create tension and affect the overall dynamics of the friendship. This may be a momentary flash that can be worked out between the two.
However, it could be the beginning of a long-lasting resentment. Only open communication and honesty can explore this and make peace if peace is possible.
Disagreements and Conflict:
Conflicts and disagreements are a natural part of any relationship. How friends navigate and resolve these conflicts can determine the strength of the friendship. Conflicts that are not addressed constructively can strain the bond and create long-lasting resentment.
Neglect and Lack of Effort:
Friendships require effort and nurturing from both parties. If one friend consistently neglects or fails to invest time and energy into the friendship, it can lead to feelings of imbalance and resentment from the other friend.
Betrayal of Trust:
Trust is the foundation of any healthy friendship. If one friend violates that trust through betrayal, dishonesty, or breaking confidence, it can severely damage the friendship and erode the sense of security and closeness.
Lack of Boundaries:
Difficulties can arise when there is a lack of respect for personal boundaries. Overstepping boundaries, being overly dependent, or intruding on each other's personal lives can strain the friendship and lead to resentment or discomfort.
Distance and Lack of Face-to-Face Interaction:
Physical distance and limited face-to-face interaction due to various circumstances, such as relocation or busy schedules, can make maintaining the same level of connection and intimacy challenging. This can require extra effort to bridge the gap and stay connected. Friendships can last through letter writing, the Internet, face-to-face chats, text notes, and phone conversations.
Many ways to stay connected exist today, one of which is to bridge spatial distance. Correspondence can be done at times convenient for each and read when commitments have passed. A time difference no longer presents a formidable barrier to keeping in connection.
It's important to remember that challenges are a natural part of friendship. Addressing them can strengthen the bond. If a friendship has unresolved conflicts or recurring issues that are never fully addressed, it can create tension and strain.
Ignoring or avoiding these issues can lead to resentment building up and a breakdown in trust and communication. Good friends are willing to communicate openly, show understanding, and work through difficulties together, ultimately deepening the friendship.
Friendship tip:
When you are waiting for your friend to bring up an issue that has caused you discomfort, pain, sorrow, anger, or self-doubt, stop waiting. Find a way to bring it up yourself. You may save yourself and the friendship more quickly and easily than you imagined.
Philosophical books on friendship:
- "On Friendship" by Michel de Montaigne
- "The Nicomachean Ethics" by Aristotle
- "A Philosophy of Friendship" by Alan Watts
- "On Friendship" by Alexander Nehamas
- "The Four Loves" by C.S. Lewis
- "How to Be a Friend: An Ancient Guide to True Friendship" by Marcus Tullius Cicero
More current books:
- "Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close" by Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman – This book exists and explores sustaining strong friendships over time
- "The Art of Showing Up: How to Be There for Yourself and Your People" by Rachel Wilkerson Miller – Exists, covering self-care and caring for friends.
- "Keep Sharp: Build a Better Brain at Any Age" by Sanjay Gupta
See:
- Quality Friendship: How to Recognize a Friend Who is Good for You
- Toxic Friendship: How to Recognize a Friend Who is Not Good for You
Information about Psychotherapy with Joanna
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Written by Joanna Poppink, MFT. Joanna is a psychotherapist in private practice specializing in eating disorder recovery, stress, PTSD, and adult development.
She is licensed in CA, AZ, OR and FL. Author of the Book: Healing Your Hungry Heart: Recovering from Your Eating Disorder
Appointments are virtual.
For a free telephone consultation, e-mail her at
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